14 Humor of Getting Married or Being Married

Jokes of Getting Married op 14 Humor of Getting Married or Being Married

CASE 1

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with
friends.

You order what you want, then when you see what the
other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

CASE 2

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??"

The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

CASE 3

Before a man is married, he is incomplete.Then when he is married, he is finished.

CASE 4

Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree
and the woman gets her master's status.

CASE 5

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married??"And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."

CASE 6

Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad : "That happens in most countries son."

CASE 7

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."

CASE 8

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes

CASE 9

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. Affair ?

CASE 10

Married life is very frustrating.In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

CASE 11

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool
when I married you."

And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

CASE 12

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife wanted".

The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine."

CASE 13

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,you can be sure of
one thing : either the car is new or his wife is new.

CASE 14

A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" the friend asked.
The woman replied, "A multimillionaire

 

Good one Eli!

This is so true, it's scary

 

i have a few quick jokes on the subject:

1) what is the difference between inlaws and outlaws?

outlaws are wanted

2) whats the best part about going to a wedding at a nudistcolony?

everyone knows who the best man is

3) what do u feed a woman to keep her from having sex?

wedding cake

 

Anyway Will congratulations on your big day from all of us here in Europe
I hope your day is a great one,


Graham Ellis

 

Will Hanna

Congratulations from the crew @ Goodridge Performance Plumbing !

 

Wedding Night Humor

Joe is talking to his soon-to-be-married son Abe. "Let me give you some advice, Abe. On my wedding night, I took off my trousers, handed them to your mother and said, ‘Here try these on.’ Your mother did as she was told and said, ‘These are too big - I can't wear them.’ So I said to her, ‘And don’t you forget it. I wear the trousers in our house and always will.’ Ever since that night, we have never had any problems."
Abe thought this was such good advice that on his honeymoon, he takes off his trousers and says to his bride, "Here Rifka, try these on."
She does, then says, "But these are too large - they don't fit me."
Abe says, "Exactly. I wear the trousers in our house and always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."
So Rifka takes off her panties, hands them to Abe and says, "Here, you try on mine."
Abe tries but has to admit, "I can't get into your panties."
Rifka responds, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will."

 

Maria just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous! Her mother reassured her, "Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man, go upstairs and he'll take care of you!"
So up the stairs she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother, "Mama, mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."

"Don't worry, Maria," said her mother. "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs and Tony will take care of you!"

So, up she went again! When she got there, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama,mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"

Her mother replied,"Don't worry Maria, all good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man, go upstairs and he will take good care of you."

So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"

"Stay here and stir the sauce dear," says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"

 

weding

(Q) What is the difference between a wedding & a funeral?
(A) At a wedding you can smell the flowers

 

Understanding what men say.

.
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was great."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC"
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK"
Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

"My wife doesn't understand me."
Means: "She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."

"It's a really good movie."
Means: "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."

"That's women's work."
Means: "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."