Bench racing topic: What's the best one liners you've heard at the track or shop?

About "95 at Atlanta, Les Davenport and I were walking through the T/F pits not long after a session. We knew Herbert had a dandy of a boomer as he was sort of between crew chiefs again. As we were looking at the junk, old friend Billy Williams (RIP) come out of the trailer and tells us he's "trying to help Doug this weekend".........
Les looks at me and says "I thought I recognized that fire"!

 

Old Meyer Quote:

Just because you can get a welding helmet on with the window faced the right direction doesn't mean you should touch anything!

 

Conversation with a older experinced driver at Indy after the driver commented that in all his years of racing this was the first time he raced at the Indy and east of the Mississippi. He was then asked "what are you doing completing your bucket list"


crew chief comment prior to the first run tuning for a new team was "we need to make it a bomb in low gear". On the first pass the motor blew up before 60'. at the far end of the track as they picked up the driver, the driver comment was " you wasn't kidding about building a bomb." crew chief comment was " I didn't think the fuse was that short.

 

Larry Miner, who hadn't driven in a few years, made a couple test laps in my TA/FC in Tucson Thursday before the division race in 2005. A good light in my car was usually .060 or worse and typically in the .080 to .110 range.

In just Larry's second run he runs it right down Broadway. We run down to pick him up and I tell him, "Man, Larry. You got an .034 light."

He looks at me like I've lost my mind and says "I'll get better!" He did.

 

europe

A swedish Promod/TAFC drivers got the question from the anouncer at santapod about why he looked so tired hes answer was:

Ehh yeas we are a little bit tired we have been Screwing al night.

 

About 10 years ago, I had the experience of twisting off the floater end of a fab 9" in my A/FC. Schumacher had just made a run ahead of us, I don't know if this had anything to do with my problems, but that always stuck in my mind. The car hiked the front up a little more than usual, then went into super shake and made a hard left. I was in the left lane on a single. Somehow I kept it off the wall and idled down to the shut-off with no brakes as the caliper rotated around with the rotor, pulling off the brake lines. The axle bound up enough in the spool so it never came out. When my crew pulled up, my nephew asked how I was able to keep it off the wall. I said "hell I don't know.........my eyes were shut!"

 

he cant do that agian ; is what i heard is one of my competors crew tell there driver but i had 3 .008 lights in a row at a outlaw quick 8 race in jackson tn. several years ago in a ta/fc

 

drag boats on the speed channel right now. reminds me i was drinking a beer in the pits at a boat race in 87 the crowd looks like the worst biker bar ive ever been in someone says " i need another tenth" im not sure what he meant

 

My Dad said many years ago when he had seen all the money I'd spent trying to get my car to go fasterThat's the trouble with that racing junk, you change 1 part, you have to change 14 more to make the first one work!)

 

Dinner Served

Bill "Travelin Texan" Rogers Is Still, Regardless Of The Topic, The Best One Line Talents Ever.
Years Ago We Were On A Trip To Mexico City For A Match Race. We Left Corpus Christi Late In The Afternoon. After Crossing The Border And Getting Close To Monterrey, I Drew The Evening Driving Shift, Putting Bill In The Sleeper For The Rest Of The Evening.
Somewhere In The Mountains Of Central Mexico, I Rounded A Corner And Encountered A Dead Cow Splattered All Over The Road. I Swerved To Avoid, But The Remains Were Slung Up Under The Truck, Including All Over The Exhaust.
When We Got To Our Next Fuel Stop, Sometime In The Early Morning, Bill Climbed From The Sleeper And Exclaimed, "are The Hamburgers About Done?"
I Could Go On Forever!!!
GREAT IDEA WILL!!!

 

great replys

A young racer has stepped up from a super pro rear engine dragster to a blown alcohol funny car he says to Roger Bateman "Man I can't see" Roger quickly replies "If you could see youd just be scared"......

Same driver says to Me (car owner ) after a run ....... "Man this thing is durable"

 

You Can't Fix Stupid!!!!!!!

 

One More.

A certain fellow during the divisional at Noble this year had a blower pop on him, unfortunately it blew the entire body off, and as the the rear end bounced, the body got stuck underneath dragging it down the boulevard. We were all watching in the stagin lanes feeling our wallets for him. A certain Canadian driver comes up smoking a cigarette between his thumb and index finger, bass ackwards like a french guy, speaking with a matching accent, "We drive zeeze cars very very fast wis great accuracy and great preciszion... *puff from cigarette* He lacked zeeee preciszion."

 

Drag boat races a decade or more ago. Freddie Brae running the Coors Light Silver Bullet. Two passes in a row completely destroyed everything between the motorplates. He threw a third in and fired it up when we came walking by. My dad stated; "Freddie, doesn't this get expensive at some point?"
Freddie points to the side of the giant silver trailer and says;
"That's Adolph's' problem."
(Adolph Coors corporation.)

 

Car owner Eddie Careccia to Don Garlits, after his driver Sarge Arciero defeated Big in TF eliminations at the 1971 Gatornationals: "Dagos: 1, Rich Guys: 0"

Bob Stratman after strapping me into his record holding twin-engined A/D for my first pass: "Don't forget, stopping is much more exciting than going."

 

I was having a conversation with a girl once and this is pretty much how it went .

Girl: I race Mini Sprints!

Me: Cool , that must be fun.

Girl:Yip

Me:So What setup do you run in those?

Girl: I don't know I just drive the thing.

 

Theres a reason clutch guys should stay behind the midplate

The race: 03 CSK Nationals, warm up b4 qualifying run

Steve Neese: Frankie, get up on those mags and help Kevin with the timing

Me: ( to myself ) Ive never turned a mag or distributor in my life

Steve Neese:, after I let go of one of said mags, the belt in the mag drive breaking and the engine shuting off "Would you get me somebody up there the knows what the f#&k they are doing"

I got a quick education on mags after that one

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My dad, to my mom driving the tow vehicle, at the top end of a Saturday night bracket racing pointing at our SC dragster "Just run the f#&kin' thing over"
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My wife, after I hung number 7 and 8 rod completely out of the block and pan of our small block altered "did the car throw up on itself?"

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John Patton, to me, after he wadded the TAFC up in Sonoma

"Im the one who crashed the car and you get a hug from Samantha Niver, what's up with the that?!

 

Byron Simpson to his brother Todd "Ride Low"

I think they only had 14 pushrods in it.

Mike